Frank M. LoSchiavo, Professor of Psychology

WARNING!

Enter at your own risk! No lifeguard is on duty! Risk of electric shock! Death or serious injury can result! This is not a toy! This product is to be prescribed by a physician only! Do not use if you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant, or might be pregnant! Use may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe! Do not use if temperature exceeds 140 degrees Fahrenheit! For adult use only! This is not a life-saving device! Use only under arms! Avoid dropping out of windows! Keep away from water! Do not use while sleeping! Keep away from flammable liquids! Do not wash or dry clean! This is not a dating agency! Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is running! This product has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory mice! For external use only! May cause drowsiness! Some assembly required! Disconnect telephone line before operating! Be kind, rewind! Frank LoSchiavo assumes absolutely no responsibility for your health and safety!